


Yue, the Past, and Clow Reed

by butterflydreaming (chrysalisdreams)



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, M/M, OTP Feels, PG is kind of strong for a rating, just a tiny bit of SyaoranxSakura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 02:06:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1492744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysalisdreams/pseuds/butterflydreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: It’s Episode 68 ("Sakura, the Past, and Clow Reed"), but different, when Yue goes back with Return’s power instead of Sakura!</p><p>Clow/Yue</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yue, the Past, and Clow Reed

**Author's Note:**

> *ends in the same abrupt way as the actual anime episode

 

 

Sakura tossed and turned, unable to sleep. The moonlight brightening her room didn’t help her at any. It made her think about Yue and what Yue had said earlier, after Sakura changed The Snow into a Sakura Card. She had a long way to go before her power could be anything like Clow Reed’s power.

She heard a drawer sliding out of her desk and saw Kero’s head pop up.

“What’s the matter. You can’t sleep?” Kero asked.

Sakura answered, “Yeah.” She felt bad for waking Kero up, but maybe he could help her. “Kero… what kind of person was Clow-san?”

“What’s this, all of a sudden?” Kero asked.

“I’ve been thinking.” She sat up in bed. “You know, how you were saying earlier that with my magic powers now, I’ll be alright no matter what? But Yue said I have a ways to go… so…”

Kero leaned his face against his paw. “Well, there is a different reason why Yue has Clow on his mind…” he said.

Sakura thought nothing of Kero’s comment, because he went on to tell her other things that were meant to boost her confidence. They started talking about the past. Kero wondered if Clow had done something, before he died, that would explain why they kept sensing Clow’s presence when any of the recent troubles happened. It gave Sakura an idea: she was going to use The Return Card to go back in time. She could ask Clow Reed to explain, and then she would have so many questions answered!

~~~

It didn’t happen that way at all.

Yukito felt awkward about being near Sakura so soon after she had confessed her feelings to him, so he did not go with Sakura’s group to Tsukimine Shrine. Yue pushed him to take a round-about way home, then when Yukito was close enough, Yue took over and flew discreetly across the rest of Tomoeda to Tsukimine Shrine.

It was not yet fully dark. The setting sun cast a dim filter of pink tinted light over the group that stood by the venerable cherry tree. The Daidouji girl held her filming camera at the ready. The Mistress and the Li heir faced each other with pinkies locked together.

Yue observed the two young people. He noticed the Mistress’s liveliness and a touch of pink that was not the sunset light on both her face and Syaoran Li’s. Yukito, Yue considered, perhaps did not need to be concerned over lingering awkwardness with Sakura. When Syaoran was no longer confusing moon-attraction with romantic attraction, his mind had been made clear to pursue a truer bond. Sakura, too, was now free to navigate her feelings toward a welcoming harbor.

Yue’s sibling in magic hovered nearby. Kero was no doubt using his small form to conserve the Mistress’s magic power. With Touya’s gift filling his being, Yue was confidant that his presence now supported his Mistress instead of draining her. How different it felt, to glow from within instead of drawing power from reflection.

He had told her that she had a long way to go to measure up to Clow Reed, and he had not meant only her power level. Still, Sakura was a kind girl. Kero certainly loved her, Yue could see that, in the way that Kero loved anyone.

Yue’s love, however, was not such a simple thing. Even if he came to love the girl, this master to whom he had been maneuvered into giving allegiance, he would not love her in the same way as he had loved Clow. Even now, Yue felt a deep, empty darkness inside him that the magic power Yue had been given could not reach to fill.

The Mistress drew out her star wand and stood next to the cherry tree. Her eyes closed. She seemed to compose herself to focus her will on The Return. The cherry tree began to glow with mystical light.

Yue suddenly felt as if he were falling. The light became too bright. He squeezed his eyes shut against the light and flared his wings against the sense of falling.

He wasn’t falling. The light became new morning sunlight; he opened his eyes to see a crisp spring sky all around. He was flying, downward motion taking him into a landing on a green lawn bordered by a brick wall. He had only a moment to collect himself from shock before he touched down next to Cerberus.

“Oh, it’s you, Yue,” said the winged lion.

Yue was home. He had seen the roof of the manor on his way to landing. He had seen the blooming gardens of his home, the home Yue’d had with Clow and Cerberus, long ago.

“It’s already spring,” Cerberus continued, “but this cherry still hasn’t bloomed.”

Yue thought about what he would have said, in this past, and answered without revealing the maelstrom of emotions inside him. “It will, soon,” he murmured.

Cerberus gave him a long suffering look. “When is soon?” He looked away from Yue and looked up at the bare tree branches. “I wonder if this one will ever bloom again.”

Yue shivered. He remembered, suddenly, what would happen next. His heart thundered in his chest. He couldn’t bear to turn around, to look at the gate where Clow would walk through in a moment.

The Flower sprite swooped in, dancing around the bare cherry tree, coaxing the tree to bloom. As if with pent up joy, the cherry blossoms burst out from every twig and bud. In moments, the tree went from apparent lifelessness to an explosion of lush pink. The Flower festooned the air with more blossoms and petals. They rained down on Yue and Cerberus like confetti.

“Is this acceptable?”

A voice with a deep timbre sounded the question from behind them. In his peripheral vision, Yue saw Cerberus turn to address the speaker. “You didn’t have to do that,” the sun guardian said, his toothy mouth curved with a grin.

Slowly, Yue turned. His breath stopped and his insides tumbled, but he couldn’t stop the smile. How could he look at Clow and not smile? His heart felt like it was the barren cherry tree, blooming at the touch of Clow’s magic.

Clow strode closer. His robes, the heavy black ones edged in sapphire blue, whispered as he crossed the garden. Yue noticed that Clow was ruining another pair of silk slippers by wearing them in the damp grass. When he looked up again into Clow’s face, the sorcerer was no more than two strides away. His eyes were locked on Yue. Bemusement tinted his smile.

Yue closed the distance with a leap, disregarding the discretion that Clow and Yue used to have in front of Cerberus. He threw his arms around Clow’s neck. He brought his mouth up, hard, thirsty for Clow’s kiss. The feeling of Clow’s lips against his was healing rain after a drought.

He felt Clow’s arms circle beneath the base of his wings. Clow pulled Yue in closely. He tried to break the kiss to say something, but Yue would not let him. He kissed Clow deeply, and over and over. It was not enough. He could not get enough.

Yue felt as if he was fainting. He knew what was happening: Clow was using his magic to make him sleep.

~~~

He sat up, and bare skin slid across smooth sheets warmed by bodies. He saw where he was, lying beside an equally naked Clow, and his body responded immediately. Clow saw that Yue was awake. He put his book aside to take Yue into his arms.

In a rumbling murmur, Clow asked, “Did you sleep well?”

“Clow, how…?” Yue started to ask.

Clow put a finger to Yue’s lips in a gesture for silence. “After,” he whispered. “I haven’t touched you. I was waiting until you woke. I hardly thought myself capable of such restraint.” His fingers played over Yue’s chest, making Yue gasp with desire.

Yue didn’t see any appeal in restraint, not now that he had Clow in his arms again, unless it was going to be the kind done with ropes or ribbons.

Clow kissed his chest. The key dangling on the gold chain around his neck -- his staff in sealed form -- tickled Yue’s skin.  His lips pressed kisses along Yue’s collarbone. He paused over Yue’s heart. “This is a cool place,” he said with something like regret.

“You will make it warm again,” Yue answered.

~~~

“Perfect for an afternoon,” said Clow with deep satisfaction.

Yue snuggled into the crook of Clow’s arm. His heart still boomed, but he felt languid. He was relaxed enough to raise the question of his situation. “I have something to ask you, Clow,” Yue started, thinking of how to explain that he wasn’t his past self, the Yue of this time. He thought for a long silence.

“You’re from the future,” Clow said.

Yue thought that he shouldn’t be surprised. This was Clow. Clow always knew more than he let on. “Hmm,” Yue confirmed. “Yes.”

Clow stretched while pulling Yue closer against him at the same time. “I thought as much, in the garden beneath the cherry tree. I saw you inside the Yue of this time. You are… changed. But I judge, by your ways in bed,” he grinned broadly, “that you are much older than my Yue of present, and it is your greater experience that put this shadow in you.”

“You died, Clow.”

“Ah,” Clow sighed, “that.” He touched a fingertip to Yue’s eyebrow. He caressed it, then caressed the other eyebrow with his thumb. “And what is it that you wanted to ask me?”

“All the things that are happening -- are they as you meant them to be?”

“If I… could make a thing occur or not occur, I would. If I could not, then I would not.”

“I don’t understand.”

Clow’s fingertips came down to run over Yue’s lips as they had done over Yue’s eyebrows. The touch distracted Yue from pursuing his question. Clow kissed Yue’s brow. He kissed Yue’s eyelids. He kissed Yue’s mouth.

After a few minutes, Yue tried again. “Sakura and Keroberus feel it, too, your presence…” he began.

“Ah, how is Cerberus in your time?” Clow queried.

Yue rushed his answer. “He and Sakura get along very well,” he began. He rose up onto his knees. He regretted giving up the comfort of Clow’s embrace right away.

“How about you?” Clow pressed on. “Don’t you like Sakura-chan?”

Yue looked at Clow. He could see that Clow was evading his questioning. “She’s still not you, Clow,” he said.

Clow gave Yue a small smile, but the look in his eyes was sad. He seemed about to say something. Instead, he slipped out of bed and began to walk away.

“Wait, Clow!” Yue rose to follow.

Clow drew on a robe over his nakedness. “Summer will end,” he said as he passed through the doorway. “Seasons change as they always will.”

Yue ran after him into the corridor.

Clow was nowhere to be seen, but Yue could hear voices in a room down the hall. As he flew toward it, Yue realized that he was dressed again. The hallway was cold, winter cold. A voice shouted from within the room.

“Explain to me, Clow!”

Yue reached the slightly open doors. He knew that voice. He knew the _pain_ of that voice. It was his own. It was himself, from long ago: the Yue of the present time.

Feeling internal cold turn to paralysis, Yue watched his worst memory play out in the room beyond. It was a memory as blurry as the gray light and the snow falling against the windows. He had been able to remember pain and loss; he felt grief over losing Clow. But he had not been able to remember the details of this day.

“That is why I must prepare for it,” Clow was saying.

“Prepare for what?” Cerberus displayed full trust in Clow, but a twitching of his tail betrayed that his easygoing attitude was a layer over distress.

“For the person that will cherish you after I pass away…”

Yue watched as Clow sealed both his Guardians into the Clow Book. When it was done, Clow looked up and toward the room doorway. “Yue,” he beckoned. “Enter.”

Yue obeyed. He glided into the room. He hovered at arm’s distance from Clow, his feet not touching the cold floor. “I asked you why, already, once,” he murmured.

Clow held the magic book in his hands. He drew it close to his chest, then set it down on the windowsill. “You can’t change or erase the past,” he said. He was no longer keeping up the smile he had shown to the now-sealed Guardians. “What is, is.” He bowed his head. “I am sorry, Yue, for the sadness I caused you.” He raised his eyes to meet Yue’s eyes and reached out his arms for Yue.

Yue did not hesitate to fly into his arms.

Clow spoke into his ear as they held each other. “The future is always in front of you. Your time is with Sakura-chan, now.”

“I would have faded away,” Yue said. “For lack of magic. I was dying.” He pressed his cheek hard against the side of Clow’s face. “It would have been alright. To fade away.” He gripped Clow, sensing that they would soon be parted again. “My time ended with you.”

Yue felt the currents of magic. He felt his sense of touch slip away, and Clow was no longer in his arms, and darkness rose up. He floated in a void without touch, sight, or direction.

The first thing that returned was sound. He heard Sakura yell for him as if from a long distance. Then he caught the scent of winter air, then of trees. He opened his eyes saw the still-red sky of sunset.

“Yue-san!” The Mistress exclaimed, “I’m so relieved!”

He floated down and away from the cherry tree as the last of The Return’s magic faded. His toes touched the ground. The children stared at him with astonished faces. He crumpled, slowly, to his knees.

“You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?” Tentatively, the Daidouji girl offered assistance that Yue waived away.

Kero zoomed up to his face. “Did you find out anything?” he demanded as he inspected Yue and seemed to find him sound.

“I could not ask him,” Yue started, “what these odd occurrences meant.”

“What?” Kero shouted. “That was the whole point of going back!”

“But we still don’t know why the Card sent Yue back instead of Sakura,” the Li heir pointed out. “I thought the Clow Card wouldn’t work on anyone else.”

“Well, it’s a Sakura Card now,” Kero argued.

“That doesn’t explain…” Syaoran Li started to say.

Quietly, Yue asked Kero, “Keroberos, how well do you remember when Clow died?”

“Clear as a bell,” said Kero. “He spent those last days preparing us to choose and judge the next master. Who turned out to be Sakura, of course.”

Yue shook his head. “Those are false memories. Do you remember where it was, or what year?”

Kero looked skeptical at Yue’s pronouncement. “Sure I do,” he said. “It was in… the year was…” He rubbed his round head. His brow furrowed. “Wait, when was it?”

“You don’t remember?” asked Miss Daidouji.

“My memories seem to be a bit fuzzy around that time…” Kero mused.

“As were mine,” Yue said.

The Li boy understood. “Their memories have been erased!” he said to Sakura.

“But who…” Sakura started to ask.

A voice suddenly boomed across the shrine, spoken with magical amplification. “It’s Clow Reed’s fault,” the voice said.

Everyone looked up at the figure standing on the high top of the Shrine gate. His ceremonial robes, black with sapphire blue trim, fluttered in a gust that didn’t touch the ground below.

“Eriol?” Sakura questioned.

Yue felt his heartbeat begin to race even before the boy spoke.

“My name in this current life is Eriol,” the boy said. “But in a past life, my name was Clow Reed.”

-end-

  
  


 


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